Every once in a while, you have to just stop worrying. Stop thinking, just let go. Have some fun in your life. Trust me, it'll be worth it.
This past weekend, I completely stepped away from the habits and routines I often find myself relying on for comfort and protection. I experienced what it felt like to live independently - no pressure, no guilt, no interjections from ED. I let go of all inhibition. I saw myself come to life.
Not a single meal was planned nor minute spent in the gym. I treated myself to whatever tasty treat came into sight - including enough double stuff oreos to feed a small country. I drank enough rum to last me a lifetime, and never refused a cold beer if it just so happened to come my way. I let go of structure. I let go of any self-destructive thought I possibly held within my own mind. I reminded myself that perfectionism was quite literally the source of my demise, and that I would never return to a life focused on that horrific obsession. I ate my oreos with a smile, and drank my rum with a happy heart. I refuse to be defined by the superficial aspects of my being.
Life is about moments: don't wait for them, create them. Do not live in fear that letting go of all inhibition will trigger disaster. Rather, embrace the chaos and emerge yourself into the beauty of spontaneity. Let your heart wander and your spirit be free, even if it's only for a day, an hour, or a single moment. Allow your soul to live harmoniously with the positive energy it craves. Let go, and remind yourself that it's okay to have some fun. It's the best gift you could ever give to yourself. For these are the days we will remember.