In the throws of my eating disorder, each day started the same. I sat down with paper & pencil and planned every second of the next 24 hours. Doing this was not beneficial to me in anyway - rather extremely detrimental. This placed such a large restriction on my day because I was forbidden from diverting from that written plan in any sense of the word. Spontaneity was non-existent. If I fell short, my brain resorted to punishment. ED would tell me that food is a privilege, and unless I had a "perfect" day, food was no longer an option for me. I didn't "deserve" it. I put mass amounts of pressure on myself in every aspect - school, relationships, meals, exercise, etc. You name it. ED not only controlled my food and exercise, but also held chains over every square inch of my mind and soul. And that's when I looked in the mirror and saw the skeleton of a girl who had lost all of the life in her eyes. I had enough. I vowed to myself that I would NEVER allow someone or something to control me ever again. I was no longer allowing myself to be powerlessly dragged around. I was standing up for myself and fighting.
Fighting for the life I deserve.